"Nah," says Tim Cook, cackling insanely, as he reclines on his day-bed of money. He levitates from the power of his own greed, landing softly on his carpet of money.

Walking over to his mirror made of carefully polished money, he begins his favorite pastime, imitating Big Brother from the famous Apple 1984 commercial.

"We have created for the first time in all history a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom, secure from the pests of any contradictory true thoughts. Our Unification of Thoughts is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people, with one will, one resolve, one cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death and we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!"

Muttering to himself, he spirals even further from the sanity he lost long ago. "Someday we'll get that hammer-throwing bitch."