I have never posted before, ever. I'm not even sure if I'm doing it right.

I was raised in a physically and verbally abusive home. at 15 I moved out and at 19 I became pregnant with my first daughter, born after I married at 20. my husband is an active duty soldier of four years and we have a second daughter, now. my husband and I have been together for almost eleven years, married for four.

after my second daughter was born I fell into severe postpartum depression and it has been a struggle to pick up the pieces ever since. your fear of raising your son full time alone sounds so much like mine! I am young, I should be out DOING things, but I'm raising kids solo most of the time instead. I don't have the stress or burden of financial issues as I swipe the card and the money is there thanks to my incredible husband. however, the emotional toll is a struggle. that being said...

my advice is for you to take your son and move him in with you full time.... forever. file for full custody with supervised visitations and file a request for child support. then find yourself a counselor and talk to your doctor about antidepressants or anti anxiety meds, because it's something to help get you started. then take your son to his doctor to have him evaluated for any developmental delays potentially caused by his current exposure to instability (although three is a really hard age and he's probably completely average), then find him a play therapist so he can let off some of the chaos caused by such a big change. there will be chaos. don't skip that step. don't. should I repeat that again? do not skip putting him in play therapy whether you believe he needs it or not. just do it. the first time there is potty training regression you're going to want to hit your head against a wall or spank your kid out of frustration and neither of those are the right answer, so don't wait around for that to happen; just put him in play therapy immediately. then go find yourself a Nurturing Parenting class in your area, wherever you are. you can literally Google "nurturing parenting class + [your zip code] to find this class. it should not cost anything to enroll in. buy yourself some books based on Positive Parenting and creating an empathetic bond/understanding with your toddler... and start being the best father you can be.

I fell apart and floundered for a couple of years, but I put my oldest daughter into play therapy to give her an outlet for the frustration I caused her by being withdrawn and emotionally unavailable for so long. she has blossomed into a great kiddo. I have taken the same nurturing parenting class four times.... next week will be my fifth time taking the same twelve week long class, and I am just finally beginning to rock it. our daughters are amazing kids because I am consistent and gentle with them rather than guessing. I see a counselor to help manage and my counselor changed my diagnosis from PPD to PTSD... I am doing so well that I no longer take Zoloft for depression, either :) in addition I'm now more aware of what damage it does to my daughters when I feel the need to emotionally shut down towards them, and I do it less. I am sorry I have so much to say, I just want to make sure you understand the possible benefits to doing it all the "correct" way! it's amazing! I'm really proud of who I am today. it's probably going to be scary going in, but you just have to become the best person that you can! focus on the things that matter first, and the rest will fall into place. good luck!