A little bit of background; I've been with my boyfriend 6 months and it was really great for the first 4.
Huh pretty short timeline, but great.
We met online, have the same interest and hobbies, still having a few that we do separate, we talk on skype daily almost the entire day, but it's in the background and we do our own thing, sort of like having someone in the same room.
That sounds like an unhealthy amount of time to be in the same room, but I guess if you do your own thing...
After he came to visit in September he decided he wanted to move out here.
Wait, what? That seems super quick given that you two have been LDR the majority of your scant 6 months. Hopefully by "out here", you mean getting a place in town.
Somehow through this he's still decided to move in.
Ugh
This is something I talked with my therapist about, I just don't have a lot of self control about that.
First
It's usually how he makes me feel or if I feel like we haven't done anything. Normally just really small stuff. A lot of times I let that feeling just sit and then my mind overthinks and it becomes this big thing and I talked to him about it and then we have 2 hour long "talks" as he calls them. During these we almost never stay on topic, my fault, and we just wind up talking and arguing till one of us breaks.
He hates these talks but says he doesn't want them to go away cause I should be able to tell him about my feelings, though whenever they do they turn into an argument. He'll get either defensive or passive aggressive and then I will over react or over think and just get upset and we will just go back and forth saying the same things over and over and then it just doesn't make any sense.
I'm super nice to him, overly nice most of the time and I'm always apologizing for everything, even if he says I don't need to apologize. Sometimes when I apologize he just says okay but he's never said i forgive you or anything. Sometimes I feel like he holds onto things and eventually starts resenting me more and more for arguments I've caused or etc.
He's admitted both of us will turn talks into arguments, which is good but these arguments have been getting more frequent lately. He is a very chill person and has a monotone voice and is basically non emotional most of the time. So sometimes I will say things and get, what seems to me, is a shitty response, like a lot of his responses seem very half assed. He doesn't put a lot of effort into talking or conversing with me when I get sort of romantic? A lot of his responses are okay, or yeah. Those always hurt my feelings and since I'm a very romantic person and it hurts when I put everything out there and just get sort of shut down.
It wasn't like this before, it was really great and we always were happy and he shared my feelings and told me and I never had to wonder if he loved me and wanted to be with me. He says if he didn't he would just leave, but it almost feels like he feels bad for me and is just sticking around. He says he's a pushover so I'm worried about that. Though he says when I'm not "fucking crazy" I'm 10/10 perfect. I feel when he's not being mean or passive aggressive he is also 10/10 perfect.
What he means by crazy is that once I let my emotions take hold, I cry and raise my voice and I start to say things, that he thinks, are irrational. The we argue and he gets passive aggressive and sometimes will be straight up mean. I eventually realize I'm letting my emotions control the conversation and I try and bring it back down and round it up so to speak, but a lot of times he will start making smart-ass remarks. I'll apologize and he wont believe me or something. That just makes me more upset and then I keep talking and talking until he's had enough and then I stop because I'm scared he's going to break up with me.
It was fine for a bit, but yesterday on Christmas I was pretty upset. I live alone, in a different state from family and plans didn't line up so I was alone on Christmas. This wasn't the plan since he was supposed to move in before Christmas but whatever. He said I wouldn't be alone cause he would hang out with me. Now on Christmas he was at his families, but I was asleep (3 hours behind) and I woke up and he was home a little while after. As soon as he got home he started playing video games (Which I'm totally fine with, it's a hobby we share together and I spend a lot of my time also doing it) But there is a specific game that when he plays, he gets so into he basically ignores me. This has been happening for a little over a month now but I've been ignoring it.
I'll say something and he will say yeah or okay, but when I ask him what I said he's like "oh i don't know" Basically he just acknowledges that I said something. I said something a few days ago, just a small thing like "Hey I sort of feel a little neglected when you play that game, just letting you know" and he said that he would "Try and do better." Nothing changed at all.
It's like this for the entire day and then I basically tell him "I thought we were going to do something cause it's Christmas, like not Christmas related but I wanted to do something with you." We had a little bit of going back and forth, but he admitted he was wrong, etc. He uninstalled the game, though I told him multiple times he didn't have to and to just 'find the balance' between me and the game so to speak.
He then did nothing until I had to leave to go to a friends house about an hour later. We just talked about what I was doing and watched a youtube video. Then I left, I called him once I got to my friends to let him know I was safe and asked him what he was up to, he was playing the game again. Which I don't mind, since that's what he does, it just rubbed me the wrong way since we JUST had a fight about it 20 minutes prior. If I'm wrong about that I don't know. But we got into an argument about it. He said "Well then basically everything I just did for you didn't matter." I asked what he was talking about, and he said the hour he spent with me. That made me so mad, I basically told him that I spent my entire Christmas not talking to anyone, waiting for him to do anything with me, which he told me we would, and him hanging out and talking with me for an hour made it all better? Basically my understand is that it should be a normal thing to hang out and talk with you SO, especially on a holiday. I was already sad that everyone got to be with their families, so I just couldn't believe what he was saying.
He basically went on to tell me I was smothering him and that I hate that he plays video games, (which is not true, he's played this many hours for the past 6 months and I haven't said a word since he's always still talked to me) He said I was irrational and over thinking, etc. He basically got really mean and was saying all these smart ass comments when I would try and say anything. I eventually had to break because I could see that he was just going to get super pissed off and probably break up with me.
He said he didn't understand why it was a big deal he was playing again. I tried to explain to him that I thought the resolution was that he would keep the game uninstalled and that was the end of it. He then went onto saying he changed his mind and that I'm being irrational that he can't even play games when I'm not around. Which I don't know where he was getting that from, I was just saying it rubbed me the wrong way that he made this giant stand about how he didn't need to play this game and it wasn't important and he fought me so hard on the fact that he was uninstalling it. The fact that he reinstalled it and played it 20 minutes after.
The argument ended on a weird note, but then I came home and we had a small fight over LITERALLY nothing, it was my fault, I started it and know now that it was stupid. He calmed me down though and it ended on a good note and we went to bed. Now today started fine, but then I had this feeling that something was wrong and that he was mad at me for the events that happened yesterday. So I asked but I told him I didn't believe him that he was okay. He got annoyed at this and we had another small fight. It was stupid but he went to lay down, which is something he does if he's depressed etc. He basically took a two hour nap. I'm here just thinking about everything I did wrong, I basically always put the blame on myself. I just keep pushing him away and he keeps making him more and more emotionally closed off. It's not something I want to continue but I basically am super pissed at myself that I keep over reacting, but all relationships are 50/50.
We do have a joint therapy session with my therapist when he moves here in two weeks. So i'm looking forward to that. Hopefully it will give some answers, but in the meantime.
Sorry if this was hard to read, I have a really hard time keeping a train of thought.
tl;dr: My BF is moving in in 2 weeks and I keep pushing him away and we keep having stupid arguments because I over react and he is moody. Help??