I have a friend who I suspect thinks I am like this. She started seeing a guy about a year and a half ago, I was so happy for her, it was exciting and fun! We even went on a couple of double dares although my bf at the time (hubby now) didn't like the guy I just put it down to a clash of personalities.
Anyway, about six months in she starts making plans with me and then without doubt either the day before she would contact me and change the plans to 'next week' or she just wouldn't contact me. I was getting married in April, she was my MOH so she was meant to be helping me with stuff. She kept on cancelling on me, even if it was her who contacted me to make the plans.
Always about a week later she would let it slip that she had lied about why she had cancelled and it was actually her bf throwing a hissy fit. My wedding was a mess, he caused a huge argument at the reception where he held her against a wall and wouldn't let her go. My uncle had to get him away from her and tell him to leave. He came back about half an hour later and told her my dad (he assumed my uncle was my dad, obviously didn't take note of who walked me down the aisle or the speaches) to convince her to leave. It was so embarrassing and it's the thing everyone talks about if my wedding gers mention. I am absolutely devistated.
Anyway, I finally had enough of things when she made coming to my birthday BBQ difficult and then let it slip it was because he once again was throwing a tantrum. At this point I've pretty much decided I can't stand the guy but obviously I am trying to get over it for her sake. Not long after this it happens again so I snapped and sent her an email explaining to her that I love her, but I'm upset about the lying and I finally told her the truth that I really dislike the guy so I would prefer to just make plans with her for a little while as I still wasn't over the wedding incident.
She actually responded really well which I was shocked about. I worked with him and he sent me a message asking me to meet him for a coffee. So I thought ugh fuckit fine, it's not like I want a war with the guy. He apologised to me for the wedding incident. I decided right then and there I would put it in the past. Until he decided to tell me it was my fault he hadn't apologised sooner as I hadn't told him I was upset about it (wtf?) . Ugh that mad me ten times more angry! Anyway, I went back to her and let her know what had happened. That's when she agreed to not force me to hang out with him. Things were great for about three weeks, then the lies and ditching started again. I left it and just carried on as is. We went away for a girls weekend which I paid for. It wasn't overly great but at least we hung out. I was still civil to her boy, but didn't really want to make plans with both of them.
I sort of just let things fade, we stopped talking every day and spoke briefly about once a week, then once every two weeks and didn't make plans. All of a sudden she contacted me and asked me if we could hang out the following weekend. At first I didn't really want to make plans, but then she met her boy after work one night and I ran into her, I said I would push my other plans and move things around so we could hang out. Two days later something really horrible happened at work, thankfully I only had two weeks before starting a new job. Anyway I was buying a new car which was eight hours from where I live I pushed my flights forward which cost me a extra $250 (I think I told her an extra hundred because I didn't want to make her feel THAT bad) to pick it up the day before so we could have fun the following day. On my way back she sent me a text cancelling on me. At this stage I was a mess because of what had happened at work, she knew about it. I desperately needed a friend and by this time all my other friends had plans so no one else could hang out, I turned down offers to do other stuff the day before, people came to me as they found out about the job situation as they were worried about me and didn't want me to be alone (I had my husband, he was my rock! But I needed to do fun happy stuff so I didn't fall into a depressive mess) so she asked if we could make it the following weekend, I said okay and that I hope she was feeling better soon!
Thursday the following week she texts me with a bullshit excuse which I believe to be a lie due to the circumstances and tells me she needs to postpone again. At this stage I'm so upset I actually get angry. I sent her an email telling her she's doing it again, asking why she believes my time isn't important and asking her to please stop doing this as I can't make other plans so close to the day and I really need to keep myself busy at this point In time. She got all defensive, told me she couldn't give me the support I need as she's too busy (note: I didn't ask her for support, we were just supposed to have fun, the only thing I asked her for was to stop leaving it to the last min to cancel unless absolutely necessary and not to lie to me. This is about the third time I have been through something fairly traumatic where I have actually branched out to look after myself, ask for help instead of just shutting myself off as I used to, and its the third time I needed a friend where she has cancelled plans on me, at this stage I'm beginning to wonder if when a BFF is only around for the good stuff even though you drop everything for them when they need someone, are they still a friend?) and that I needed to understand what SHE was going through. I said that's fine, and I totally understand she's going through stuff as well, but sometimes I need a friend and it was her who contacted me to make the plans, not the other way around and all I had actually asked her for was to stop throwing my time away like it was nothing.
She ended up apologising as did I and we sorted stuff out. But it dawned on me that I think she believes I fill the shoes of the jealous friend role, but in actual fact I believe it's her bf who is filling the jealous shoes.
I have stopped making plans one on one with her so if she does cancel it doesn't ruin my plans, and I just expect her to cancel now, it saves disappointment. We are no where near as close as we used to be because I've stopped putting the effort in. It doesn't matter anymore. Relationships of all shapes and sizes are strange due to emotion and not wanting to think what you yourself are doing is wrong. I think you need to be honest with her, tell her she's acting jealously and it's making you not want to hang out at all. Tell her you love her, but you don't love this side to her and it's pushing you away. She might react badly at first but if she cares she will realise what she's doing and change it. Good luck! Aww now I really miss my BFF! Never mind.