Venting my frustrations on the internet is a lot different than interacting with other human beings in real life. I'm not going to have a woe-is-me attitude around her or around anyone else...not that I'm bottling it up, but I try to stay positive and move forward with my current hand that's been dealt even though my situation is pretty fucked, but there are obviously going to be times when it's harder to just 'buck up and deal with it'

It's not about me questioning her judgment in particular...I'd question the judgment of anyone who would date me. I guess it's a bit different when we've been dating for 3 years already and have a ton of memories we've created together. College sweethearts and all that.

I don't really know how to let these negatives thoughts go until I'm in a better situation financially and legally. Even though she claims the things she does about me I find it hard to believe that I'm a great boyfriend when I'm unable to really provide financially other than a once-a-month date that I pay for.

I just want to show that I'm successful, that I can be a provider, and not being able to do these things right now kills me inside at times.