Have you ever examined your thought patterns about sex? Do you feel like it's a chore or a nuisance? How do you feel about physical affection? Do you like hugs and kisses and snuggling? Does sex feel like an invasion of your body or your privacy? When you have sex and aren't aroused, do you ever enjoy the pleasure he's getting from it? Like, does it feel satisfying to see him get off?

When you aren't in the mood, perhaps try thinking about sex as an expression of your emotional love towards him. Don't worry about being turned on yourself, focus on turning him on. That might sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes the pressure to get turned on yourself can actually be a turn off, if that makes sense.

Think of his sexual needs differently than, say, an inconvenience to you(i'm not saying you do see them that way). You wouldn't want a marriage that had no hugs or kisses or kind words of affection? For a person with a strong sexual need, sex does the same thing for them that kind words of affection, for example, might do for you. For my husband, sex makes him feel wanted and loved and fulfilled. He feels emotionally connected to me when we have sex. It's reassures him, makes him feel safe, makes him feel happy, it's basically the core need of a relationship for him. I'm in the mood for sex probably once or twice a week, but we have sex daily. On days I'm not in the mood, I focus totally on pleasuring him, because I feel super gratified and happy to see him turned on. To me, it is the physical expression of how much I love him.

Please don't take this as me telling you you're wrong or bad for how you feel. I'm just describing how I approach sex when I'm not horny myself in hopes that it helps. I understand not everyone feels like I do.