Because you want to know, i'll tell you. I'll tell you in all honesty. I actually wrote this out first. I was furious that you had the audacity to ask such a horrible question in a sub for cancer support. This is my honest reaction to your post.

Death is bliss? Who told you that death is bliss? Which trusted individual came back from the dead and said to you (and only you) that "hey, don't worry! There's a pool and free beer!". As far as we know, death is nothingness. We don't even know much. No-one can tell us what death is like, or what it feels like to die. We all take comfort that people who die in their sleep die painlessly, but we don't know that! You won't know either until it's too late to tell anybody.

Mate, I've had cancer for 7 years. I've given up more than you can imagine. I've been closer to death than you've been to losing your virginity. I've been through it again and again and again and you know what the real kicker is? I was diagnosed as terminal more than 3 years ago. I keep going back to the hospital. I keep doing this shit. It hurts. I'm in pain. I'm sick. It's aged me beyond my peers. And i'm dying anyway. This disease will win. There isn't anything i can do about that. I question every dose of chemo. Every bout of radio. Every surgery. Even my scans. I mean, do i really want to know how fast i'm dying??

I have the means to kill myself right now. I have had every day. Probably painlessly too. Just casually OD. I know that at some point it will make sense for me to do so. But not yet.

You see, what you don't understand about dying is that while it might take away your worries, it also guarantees that you will never laugh again. You'll never smile. Never see your family. A pretty girl. A funny cat. You'll never have another insightful discussion. Never feel the breeze or the salt water. Never taste good food or smell it. It's the end of the human condition. It's the end of everything you take for granted. And it's a whole world of pain for those who care about me. I feel like I owe it to them to think long term and to take the poison, because after it leaves my system, I might have 1 or 2 months of relative health. An opportunity to take more photos. Make another last memory. More time to write my memoir.

And i'm not ready for that yet.

If you're right and there is a higher power who planned everything and gave me cancer because it just really wanted me home. When I die, I'll tear it's fucking throat out.