Me [29f], recent dates have said my profession and hobbies are confusing them. Is this actually a thing?

The problem is that the list is too specific. You might not necessarily want to date the mirror image of you, or to date someone who takes your hobbies to such extremes that they end up being unenjoyable for you.

The thing is, you might want a guy who can keep up with some of your hobbies and interests, but balance the others. For example, I'm really into music, and it's one hobby that I enjoy sharing. I like gals who are into music just as much as I am, but in a different modality. I really enjoy listening to an album and digging into the technical aspects of a song... but it helps to date someone who is more into going to shows, since they encourage me to get off my butt and appreciate the social aspect of music. On the other hand, I'm really into writing, but I'm not the most elegant verbal communicator. I find that when I date other people who are into writing, they tend to have this misconception that how someone speaks should be an extension of how they write. My brain just doesn't work this way. They get easily annoyed when I say words that aren't perfect fits, or if I don't properly punctuate every text I send them. The disconnect in the way I treat formal and informal communication gets on their nerves; in turn, it gets on my nerves that they can't relax their standards in informal settings. For your list, you should try to consider the hobbies that you want to share, vs the hobbies that you are fine with keeping to yourself.

You actually don't want to be too thorough in your list. It should be thorough enough to filter out people you're completely incompatible with, but no more than that. Honestly, you never know how well you might get along with someone who doesn't share all the same hobbies. My relationships have lasted longest, I find, based on how similar my partner and I think about a given issue, concept, or task. For example, I found that my previous partner was not really into the same kind of music that I was, but their reason for being into the music they enjoyed was similar -- they liked the technical aspects of the songs, could identify interesting compositional patterns, etc. For this reason, I was exposed to music that I would not have normally listened to if I were left to my own devices... and I enjoyed a great deal of it. The way they enjoyed their hobbies was more important than the actual hobbies they enjoyed, if that makes sense.

tl,dr; sometimes it's not about the hobby itself, but about the way you both experience it. That could be why your list isn't working as well as it could.

/r/relationships Thread