I sort of know where you're at. My boyfriend and I dated casually for about 8 months. We were both upfront that we were keeping our options open and going on other dates (neither of us was looking for a serious relationship when we met; but neither of us was seriously casually dating another person other than each other). I fell fast and hard for him. I had to continually tell myself shit like "he's not looking to date. If he wanted that he would have done that already." And finally after a winter trip we went on with my family and no commitment, I was done. I didn't understand it. We got along so well - our personalities clicked and the sex was great and we had the same life goals and we both put a large focus on being healthy and his "daughter" (his dog) loved me almost as much as him (he wanted a video of how excited she would be to see him after the trip since it was his first time leaving her. The whole time she was looking over his shoulder at me. He watched the video and just said, "delete that." It was pretty funny).
Basically, any normal girl with self respect would have said "fuck this guy" and walked way earlier. Two days after the ski trip I went over to his house and had it in my mind I was breaking things off. And before I could work up the courage he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Things worked out for us (this is the best relationship I've ever had - he is a fantastic boyfriend in every way) but that time period before hand was hard. I actually struggled with it a lot. Things just worked so well but when I'd go home and realize he wasn't my boyfriend and could be texting other girls and going on dates I was crushed. Every single time. I absolutely wouldn't do that to myself again. Ever.
He wasn't a bad guy either so I couldn't be mad at him - he had been honest with me from the get go and treated me with respect and was just generally a great guy. I didn't have surgeries, but I did go on vacation which he continually texted me through telling me he missed me etc. So, regardless of our situations working out differently, I can see where you're coming from.