CRINGE CONTINUED!!!!

How do you know when you are going to drown in milk? When its past your eyes! Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it A steak pun is a rare medium well done. Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off? It reads “Small medium at large.” A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. “Sure thing” the bartender replies and asks “but what’s with the big pause?” The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them” A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts. I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff. I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things. My New Years resolution is to stop leaving things so late. If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it. “What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.” People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish. What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto What do you call a Mexican man leaving the hospital? Manuel