I think you misunderstood me. I’m talking about strength, not unchangeable characteristics of people. Honestly and emotional integrity take a lot of strength and maturity, but you can’t just skip to the end relying on ideals, you have to learn through experience.

My first girlfriend was a tester. Even as a dude, I can be that way. Being good at steering people is a dangerous quality in irresponsible hands, but being blunt isn’t the same as direct. Being blunt is socially dangerous, whether people internalize or externalize insult, but direct takes a degree of levelheadedness and emotional control that people don’t have. I certainly didn’t. But you learn to get there.

It doesn’t mean you’re never going to test. We tease our friends all the time to see where we are. We tease our SOs and pick fights to see how well they can be their own person yet still care for what you have to say. But that’s a lot different than dodging insecurity, such as women playing romcom and practicing cosmo tips. That’s a negative test which puts people’s feelings at risk and gets them on the defensive. It’s childish and immature.

What I was getting at is that asking people to always speak their minds is asking too much of them. Most people lead emotion first, logic next (or not at all).