Long story ahead but might be worth the read

It all started with my “first love” in high school. We started dating our junior year and even up staying together for somewhere between 3-4 years. First loves are difficult to say the least, you don’t really know how to handle the newly discovered emotions and you also don’t really know what you are supposed to go with this nee found relationship. Needless to say after a few years our relationship ended. I was torn to pieces, i ended up getting it a really bad car accident, losing my job, gaining about 70lbs and completely losing myself. I vowed to stay away from getting emotionally involved with anyone else for as long as i could. This lasted about 4 years with minor flings and no serious relationships. During this time i developed a substance abuse problem and eventually ended up hating who i was and became some what suicidal. In an attempt to get out of this hole i was in a started going to the gym.. this lead to a new type of “substance” abuse problem that didn’t take place of my previous one but instead added to it. My low point that made me realize that i need a serious change came one night when i “did a bump”, drank some preworkout, took a few shots at the party at my house, took my gym “performance enhancers”, and went on my merry way to the gym for my late night workout. It was at this point i knew something had to change. But the lowest point was a few days later when i was at a party and heard of some “stuff” floating around and i basically found myself begging to go skiing. That was the last time i went out.

Over the next few months i started looked for salvation in the gym. I got clean of all substances and dropped 75 pounds in 3-4 months. Soon after i began searching for a job that could take me out of town and allow me to start over. I eventually found that job and during the transition i met a girl and we fell madly in love. She was the first person in years that i felt seriously enough about to be in a committed relationship with. Within out first year of dating we decided that we just could not live without each other and we decided to get married. Almost immediately after getting married we were assigned to different locations for work and things started to go south not long there after. Within a few months she had told me she wanted to get a divorce because she was young and felt like she still had a lot to experience in life. Looking back on that now its understandable, but at the time it was heartbreaking. After about a years of messy interactions and countless swaps between “i still love yous” and “no really do want a divorce” the paperwork came in the mail and it was over. In all honesty this one didn’t hurt nearly as bad as my last break up, but thats not to say that it was rough because it was hell.

After my first marriage ended i decided to go a different route, i mean hell i was in amazing shape and basically so broken at this point that i honestly didnt care about other peoples feelings. Over the next few months i ended up having several semi committed short lived relationships, on a few occasions you could say i had more than one legitimate girlfriend. This seemed like it would be the life but truth be told it left me feeling more empty inside than i was before and after relocating for work i ended up becoming somewhat of an introvert. However, it was long after relocating that i found myself a new “friend”.

After several months of only causal encounters with this woman one night she decided she wasnt having it anymore and gave me and ultimatum. “Either be with me exclusively or else were not doing this anymore”. This resulted in me caving in and entering into a relationship with this woman. All seemed well at first but eventually her insecurities started to show through. This left me in a relationship controlled by constantly needing to justify every minute of my day to prove my commitment to our relationship. No joke one day i was at the gym and she asked me to come over, i told her im leaving the gym and ill be over in about 10 minutes, got to her apartment in 12 and she would not let me in because i “took too long and must have stopped to screw someone on the way”. This was my life for about three years until one day i just decided i couldnt take it anymore. This day she asked me to come over, i took too long to arrive for her liking and she wouldnt let me in so i went home. About 30 minutes later she showed up at my place furious that i was playing video game, threw a glass at the wall, felt bad and tried scrapping up the shards with her bare hands, and then left. That was the last day of our relationship.

Now before i get to where things turned around i would like to include the results of these ended relationships for the women because its kind of interesting. My high school first love ended up dating someone after me and they have been together for about 10 years now. My first wife got remarried about a month after our divorce was finalized. And my crazy ex girlfriend got married within 3 months after our break up.

All of this lead me to think that maybe, just maybe, it was me and not them. Until one day everything changed. For years i had dreams about a woman who looked like my ex wife and she would laugh at me and run away through crowded city streets and i would never be able to catch up to her. This dream haunted me for years until one day something different happened. The dream started out like normal and then all of the sudden i heard a woman crying, i stopped and turned around and saw a woman on her knees in the middle of the street with her head in her hands crying. This had never happened in this dream before and for some reason i felt compelled to go to her, so i did. As soon as i got over to her i reached out to touch her and my alarm went off and i woke up. That was the last time i ever had that dream. A few weeks later at a work event i saw a woman for the first time and i was fixated on her beauty. And for some reason i had this feeling like she was familiar. To make a long story short we ended up going on a date and fast forward weve been happily married for years! I did not know at prior to meeting her anything about her but upon getting to know her i learned that she had recently ended a 7 year marriage and was in a really dark place in her life. We went on one date and have been by each others side ever since. I have no way of knowing if dreams hold meaning or not but I truly believe that the woman crying in my dream was lost and is now my wife. She saved me from my nightmare and i found her when she was lost.

Sorry for the long read, thank you if you read it.