I'm a little bit tipsy, and up against a wall of insomnia, so here we go:

That pen? That fancy little blue gel pen that blobs all over the place, all the time, every time you need to write? Assuming it actually does write and hasn't dried out overnight? The one you paid $5 for? Do you really want me to sell you a defective product? If I wanted to flog a defective product, I'd have gone down to YGA-Co-Competitor, down the street.

You need a pen, though?

Let's take a look at this pen of mine, instead. Unless you can find a pen that writes with the blood of unicorns and is plated with a faerie's teeth, you aren't going to find a better pen than this one. Do you know why? Because this one is designed to work. It isn't fancy. It isn't special. It won't win any awards for having the most colorful ink. But do you know what it will do?

It'll write. Every time. Any time. Right up until the last of the ink is being pushed out of its reservoir.

This is the best pen you're going to ever get your hands on. Want further proof? Here's an argument to authority, that just happens to be the god-damned authority. The Leaders of the Free World use this pen. That's right, this here pen is the official brand of the US Government. Congress, Senate, and the President himself all use this brand of pen. Why do they use it?

Because it works.

No blobbing, no skipping, no running out halfway through its life. You don't even have to shake it like you're playing paddy-cake with the little girl down the block.

It. Just. Works.

You know what else is great about this pen? It looks good. It's a sleek, black body with a silver clip. You know what else has a sleek, black body that looks good with a silver clip? A businessman with a silver tie.

So there you are, sitting across from me, wanting me to sell you that fancy $5 blue pen of yours that doesn't even go with your suit, or your tie, or your shoes, or even your eyes.

This pen of mine, though? It's a business pen. It won't win any awards on looks because it doesn't have to. While all the other pens are sitting around, primping and preening and trying to look like they're about to walk down catwalk, this here pen of mine is sitting behind the desk, actually getting shit done that needs to be done.

Now, this pen costs $0.50, but since we're sitting here, in this interview room, and all you have is that fancy little failure of a gel pen, and I'm sitting here with a pen that'll actually work when you need it to, I'll be nice. I'll sell you this pen for $5. Yeah, sure, it's ten times what it's actually worth, but you know what? You're here, now, and your next interview is five minutes after mine. Do you really think you're going to be able to get a pen that actually works in that short amount of time? Maybe you'll just go get a few more of your fancy $5 pens and hope those actually work right away. Or you could save yourself the effort and buy this one. Off me. Right now.

You want me to actually try to sell you your pen? Sorry, but I only deal with quality products, which is why I cam to YGA-Co to begin with.