I will disagree on a few points because I grew up with a hefty chunk of (Louisiana) Catholic family. I think there are different strains. My Catholic mother was very anti-abortion but other than that very open, for example, and loved Francis, while most of the rest of my Catholic family doesn't even really care about abortion.

One (Cuban) Catholic co-worker at my last job was extremely conservative, on the other hand, to the point he said he wanted to quit being a deacon after Francis was elected. But two (Irish-descended) Catholic co-workers were extremely live-and-let-live.

I won't presume to speak for your own experiences, I can only speak for my own, which is that like any people, US Catholics aren't monolithic.

And to be fair, you're very right about Catholicism, like many religions, being used as a tool of control, othering, and hatred in the US.