I feel like I'm in a similar boat in that my urge to explore religion is deeply related to an existential experience (although not on any drug other than sleep deprivision and a bit too long by myself. ) What basically happened is that I went too deep into the thought experiment of considering whether the idea that If I stop existing in the universe is that qualitively similar to the universe ceasing to exist at all. This made me sort of... Question whether life had meaning, and so I've been exploring Christianity as an avenue towards meaning while at the same time exploring the many meanings that people have found in Christianity.

One thing that I firmly believe is that if God exists, and God is Good, then traditional hell does not exist. If God exists and brimstone and fire hell exists then God is not good so I have a moral obligation not to worship him. So the God I worship is Good. And if this isn't the actual God, and God in reality is about fire and Brimstone and gays go to hell and people should be stoned and Slavery is part of God's plan.... All of this I feel obligated to stand against. I Don't waist my time worrying about hell because I refuse to sell my soul to avoid it.