It feels to me like this line right here is the root of your problems:

Everything I have ever done in my entire life, I have done to get appreciated and get positive recognition - every choice I have ever made.

I know what it's like to grow up with cold and emotionally unavailable parents, and I get what that does to a person. But this way of living your life is not healthy.

I used to have the same behavior programmed into me by my childhood, and I went through life feeling many of the same felings you're describing here. It is easy to only see yourself through the eyes of others, doing what you think they want you to do. What is scary, is looking at yourself, figuring out what you want, and finding the best way for you to live your life.

You say that you're jealous of how this other woman is getting the all the praise that should be directed at you, because you made all these sacrifices that she didn't. I think what you're really jealous of, is her ability to live her life for herself, and jealous that she doesn't have the same need to make all of the sacrifices you made, and that she is in a happy place. (I am assuming she is happy, she's a new mom, and you didn't make any indication in your post that she is not.)

And people can pick up on that. Her genuine personality will always outshine your constructed one. Her "I walked the dog" will be more celebrated if it comes from a genuine place of happiness and joy, and your "I got an A+" won't get more than a simple nod, if it comes from a place of "please for the love of God, see me, approve of me, love me!". You might not say those words, but trust me when I say that people can hear them. Maybe not consciously, but we humans are very adept at reading the meaning behind the words and seeing the faces behind the masks.

My advice for you is: Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. If you really mean it when you say that all you do is for getting the approval of others, then you need to tear down your walls, remove all of your programmed behavior and find out who you are away from everything that's been defining you all of your life. And it won't be easy. Actually, it's gonna be hell. But if your statement really is true, then you have no choice. You will never get the approval of your parents, no matter how hard you try to get it from the rest of the world. You will never be happy living your life trying to obtain the unobtainable. And you will resent anyone you meet who get what you're looking for without making the same sacrifices. Sacrifices you don't need to make. You just have to learn how to life your life for yourself, and not for the pursuit of everyone elses approval.

I've been where you are, and I hope you take my advice to heart.