I don't have great advice, but just wanted to tell you I empathize. My husband isn't very forthcoming with compliments and I feel like I often have to initiate intimacy. It makes me feel very insecure, and I've cried over it plenty of times. I can be healthy about my outlook, but I also have days where I take it out on myself, hard. I start to feel monstrously undesirable. And then when guys ask me out and hit on me, I experience serious cognitive dissonance.

The thing is, I see a lot of people jumping to some very strong conclusions here. And the input is obviously all valid--it could be hormonal, it could be a sign of deep relationship woes. But a couple times, when my husband has opened up a little (which is tough for him), he's admitted that he has some lingering hangups. We were friends for a long time before we got together, and I dated frequently. He dated as well, but it was always harder for him. He tells me he saw me as out of his league (which is ludicrous, but there you are.) As comfortable as we are, he can slip back to that thinking and I think he fears rejection. I think he fears he won't be able to please me enough. Again, ludicrous. But something to think about.

To this day, I know it bothers him if men try to flirt with or hit on me while he is around. I try to be very aware of it, and shut it down. For his part, he tries to act like it doesn't bother him. I wonder if your husband experiences the same feelings.

If you are the kind of woman who often garners male attention, he may still have hang-ups. And just like us, our partners need to feel really desired and confident in order to initiate intimacy. The problem is, when he hesitates to initiate, I hesitate. And then my confidence tanks. When my confidence tanks, I'm even less likely to initiate, and so on.

There may be a cycle that's killing confidence between you. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of communication to work with that. But it's definitely possible to make progress.

Anyway, it sounds like there may be some other issues at play, but I wanted to offer my own experience in case it's even remotely helpful.