I'm about your age and childless, and my mom died earlier this year from pancreatic cancer. She lived about 1 year after diagnosis. I'm still quite raw from the experience but hopefully some of it can help you.

I can understand a little where your wife is coming from. I felt guilt after the diagnosis that I couldn't have had a child earlier, and that my mom would die never becoming a grandmother. The guilt ate at me and when I confessed the guilt to my dad he was actually baffled. He told me words I'll never forget. "You don't have a child for your parents."

You know perfectly well all the reasons a baby isn't a good idea right now. If she needs more reason, please use my experience to help your case. All of my work PTO was used up to spend time with my mom. I went to doctor's appointments and surgeries. I visited every weekend, often times chewing up more time by crying beforehand so I wouldn't have to cry in front of her. By the final months I had to spend much of my free time helping my dad because 24/7 care is too much for one person, and we even had hospice. It's all incredibly shitty; I wish I could say it wasn't. It's emotionally and physically draining, and it was too much to deal with on its own.

Others have been saying this, but it's likely that your mom won't get to see the grandchild. So with that in mind, does your wife really want to try and go through a pregnancy when much of your time and emotions has been jeopardized? Seems to me she needs to address your needs right now.