Hi Reddit,

I'm the girlfriend and I just want to clarify some things.

First off, we never outright choose to have a "who cheated worse" trial. What happens is that every once in a while, emotions flare up, wounds are reopened, or the conversation touches on something sensitive. And, like any person who has been hurt, no matter how bad they have hurt others, they feel victimized. And the immediate, emotional reaction is to focus on how they have been injured by the other. And then a fight starts. And then the other person is reminded of their own injury. And they feel victimized. And then in the midst of fighting, everyone takes this "I am the victim" stance.

But normally, we both take blame and don't compare. Outside of the heat of battle, we both (I think) tend to have very realistic understandings of our sins, our pain, and all the grey in between.

As for my position on this whole thing, I'm really upset about this post. Since last night when this argument began, and then again this morning when the argument continued and spread into other, completely unrelated topics (as fights often do), I have been trying to stop it. I kept telling my boyfriend that we were becoming antagonistic instead of working together. That we were fighting about topics we would normally agree on, even laugh about. That we should take a step back and move away from the antagonism. But then this post.

I am so incredibly offended. YES, everyone lied! YES, we behaved in disgusting ways! We SHOULDN'T be comparing! We should be moving on, not dwelling in this! Yes, sometimes in the middle of an argument we'll go through the blame game, but this post seems to say something greater.

I was begging to put down our weapons, waving my white flag, until this post. What's worse than the fact that he seems to be weighing our sins is the distortion. The story is so distorted that I can't help but feel that this was written to get some sort of "she is worse bro" from the internet. To vilify me and excuse himself.

I have recognized my bad behavior and have apologized for it. And while so has he, this post makes me feel like he is trying to excuse his behavior, which is something I've noticed him do before and which worries me.

Mistakes, even terrible sins can be forgiven. But only if the party truly recognizes their guilt. I am scared that he may be willing to recognize his guilt for now, but is slowly trying to twist the story to assuage his guilt.