My (27f) boyfriend (26m) is incredibly pragmatic and upbeat and it makes me feel like my feelings aren’t valid.

Is it possible he's a narcissist? I was married to one for ten years and I couldn't see the red flags AT ALL while I was in the relationship. But in retrospect, they seem so obvious, and I see a lot of them here:

  1. Denying negative feelings is a hallmark of narcissism.

  2. I know this is kind of a buzzword these days, but this is gaslighting:

I have to police my feelings otherwise I’m gonna get a pep talk or ignored until I want to calm down and pretend nothings happened

Casting himself as "logical" and you as excessively emotional (in contrast to him) is also a form of gaslighting -- implying that you're overreacting / hysterical, and the problem is you, while he is not only normal, but especially good at handling things.

  1. What you describe here is a perfect description of someone with limited empathy:

I feel like he could just think a little more about how I’m going to feel about things and understand that not everyone thinks like him

What you're describing sounds pretty harmless on its surface, but when you really think about it, it's soul-crushing over the course of a lifetime. Being treated like your feelings are unacceptable is no way to live, and it means that over time you'll make your feelings smaller and smaller. It's suffocating.

Google narcissism, relationships with narcissists, etc. There is a ton to read. Be honest with yourself and really examine what you find.

/r/relationships Thread