Throwaway account. Will risk the flaming but I will stick up for this guy a little. Sorry to hear you ended up like this. I really am. Almost a carbon copy of my sister who sucked the life right outta the love of her life 1st DH. Original OAG. In his grill 24/7 “loving” him. You crazy in love with him or obsessed with him? If you’re obsessed with him you will harass him for attention no matter what. Looks like he spent 21 years supporting you and your 4 kids before you started working full time. He spends 90% of his free time with you and the family. I’d say DH doesn’t get much time away from you. All work and family. Does he spend time with his buddies? Once a week? Once a month? Less than that? Dedicated dad 100% of the time. Ask someone like me which is better. 100% dedicated non-perfect father you love or being a single mom. Father of my first son left me when he was 2. Father of 2nd son didn't like the effort of raising two boys and left as well. DH sounds better than 99% of the guys ever made IMHO! Sounds like he lies about not having enough money. This is not good for you I know. Think you would have told us if he was spending the money elsewhere or gambling. Above average earner. He’s either bad with money or every dollar is spent right out from under him. Why don’t you use plain English? “Slatternly” means you kept a dirty house by your admission. Has his happy face on just like my ex-BIL. He has to. You stopped him from seeing his ex who you don’t like for what turns out to be dinner. More likely he needed a breather not an affair. Hardly taking her away for weekends to Vegas by the sounds of it. Gets hot and steamy online. That is bad. Grant you that. Sorry for your rough times but I don’t think your DH is having much fun either. He is hanging in there for you and the kids best he can. Not doing a great job of it. Look sister here’s what I think. You landed a good one. Not perfect by a long shot. Most of us don’t get this lucky for so long. This good ‘ol boy has been ridden right into the ground. No wonder he’s discontent. His life is shit. Notice you hid behind the medical terms “somatic complaints” and “anxiolytics”. That’s what got me. Again, why didn't you use plain English? Why didn't you say he has nerves or anxiety so bad he has physical side effects and takes medication for it? That was my ex-BIL at the end. On Cipralex. Harassed to breaking point. DH is stressed in the relationship with YOU he needs meds AND is willing to talk to a professional about it. What guy does that? He’s spent. You even trash talked his mom. Here’s what you need to do. Keep your “self respect”. Send him on his way. Let go. You got 28 years out of him. 80% of them very good by your own admission. Better than most. I think if you were honest with yourself and counted the good days properly it could be higher than 80%. Be classy. For the sake of your kids don't trash talk him to friends and family on the way out. Let DH keep some pride. Don't tell everyone what an asshole he’s been to you even though you feel like it. Then let one of the millions like me who’s been with REAL assholes all their lives have a chance with a halfway decent man for a change. You will both be happier.