My anxiety has destroyed my relationship and is ruining my life

Thanks everyone for the reassurance. It's mice to know I'm not totally crazy...cause I'm feeling a little crazy these days.

This story is much more complicated than it seems. We have known each other our whole lives, dated off and on. He left for about 6 months (we were not together) he repeated over and over again ,"we are just friends". When he left my anxiety kicked up more than I have ever experienced and about a week later I was depressed, lonely, my car was broken and some guy was nice to me helped with my car and was someone to talk to. Well im sure you know what happened. Then to curb my loneliness again there was a few dating sites and hanging out with questionable people. Not good decisions and I felt as though I couldn't control it. Well he found out once he got home again and I lied, and lied and continued to lie. Then once I told the truth he didn't believe me. This was months and months ago mind you. So we have been together and happy this whole time just about now and now is when he says that he is done dealing with me. For many of the things from months ago as well as being clingy, needy calling too much (which is the anxiety). At this point he said he would be crazy to ever date me again and im not even his friend rite now. But, we live together. It sucks and I miss him.

I keep getting this really deep feeling of guilt so much so that I feel I have ruined his life and lost the love I will never have again. It has at times put me into a really bad space in my head so much so that it's self destructive.

How when you have anxiety and are an extroverted person and depressed on top of it you have peace with yourself and calm in your head. I am so guilty and I want him back and won't ever get him back. He doesn't even seem as though he cares, or loves me still.

Do you think a therapist can help with these issues cause I feel like a disgusting person?

/r/Anxiety Thread