I'm taking this post down in 30 mins. I thought people here on Reddit would be more open and understanding. Instead, I get all these assumptions about myself and him.
Think again if I had written my post this way:
My boyfriend and are obviously not the "normal" couple, so to speak. Not only is there the age gap of 30 years, but there is also the physical distance between him and myself. He's currently in Ireland, and I am currently in Japan. That's a time difference of 9 hours. I feel like I was the "other woman," as our relationship started after his divorce. In order to appease his ex, who hates my guts, he gave her full rights to his land and house. Note: I currently live with my parents (both 53) for finacial reasons. (I am not gold digging.) We manage our relationship through text, calls, Skype, and an app called Couple.
What happened? After 26+ hours of being with each other with minimal sleep due to timezone contraints (we were trying to spend as much time as we could before I start on my new job), in my impulsiveness (and perhaps, clingy-ness) and to some degree, distrust (after all I feel like he cheated with me, so he has the ability to cheat on me; not to mention my history or bad men and rape), I called him an hour after. He reacted by yelling at me, accusing me of despising him. He said I was throwing away his love. Needless to say we both hanged up on each other.
The next morning (my night), I called as usual (I'm his alarm clock) to not only wake him up but to apologize, but instead was met by a continuation of his tirade claiming how foolish he was for de-stabling his life for me. We both ended up screaming at each other. When all that was over, and both of us had managed to calm down, we agreed to talk things out in a more civil manner in the evening (my morning). During my midnight, he called me. I had set my phone on silent and kept it away from me to not get tempted to text or call him, so I only recieved the notification an hour later when I stood up to take NyQuil as I was indeed having trouble sleeping. I called back to find him a little more calm. He apologize for screaming at me and not being in the right headspace. The reason he called was that he knew I might be having some trouble sleeping and that he could not manage to cook dinner for him and his son (18). We had an hour chat where we agreed to slow down the pace of our relationship, spend 2 hours maximum time with each other, and to "return to basics." We also and agreed to talk more after dinner (my breakfast).
As agreed upon, we talked after dinner and kept to the 2 hour limit. I told him I was grateful he did not walk out on our relationship. He said he did have the thought, but that he decided he'd stay. However, he would also like to have at least 4 of our Skype time to talk about my issues with men and my rape. He said as much as it would hurt him and myself, it has to be done. He reasoned that as long as I continue to let my rape affect me, we will not have a good, strong relationship.
He continued with "Right now, you need me more as a friend than a lover. We need to address this." This is the part that gets to me. I am very much in love with him, and I'm afraid that he want us to return to just a friendship type of relationship. (However, he did say before we hanged up on each other that still loves me and that if he had the energy he'd like to make love to me at that very moment).
Thank you Reddit for being close-minded and having so many assumptions. He was my therapist 8 year beforehand, and only for 2 to 3 session (so long ago I can't remember). We became friends 5 years after that.