Colombian adoptee raised in a White family in NYC in a heavily Latin American community here.

I didn’t know why I was brown; I just knew I didn’t like it. I knew my family would make comments when I got too tan or wore my hair certain styles or wore certain clothes (“You look so... Spanish.”) I didn’t understand why people spoke to me in Spanish and then would call me a disgrace. I didn’t know why I didn’t fit in with any crowd. I didn’t know what it meant to be Colombian.

I was very, very frustrated and angry for a long time. I was very defensive about having to explain my nationality to literal strangers who felt entitled to my story (“So tell me... why are you sooo exotic looking?”).

So I have spent a great deal of time solidifying my identity as an adoptee first and foremost. I’m Latina even if other Latinos don’t agree. It’s my birthright. I’m culturally white American. I’m versatile and because I don’t really feel like I fit in anywhere, well, I’ve come to see how that means I can actually fit in anywhere. I’m authentic to a fault and while my family definitely had a LOT of racist tendencies, my mom has more than made up for it (luckily). She’s grown a great deal and has been able to validate my experiences and has apologized for not knowing how to stretch her own comfort zone for my benefit when I was young. She sees that now and continues to b supportive. She’s taught me how to love unconditionally and loved me through my very challenging moments where I was very confrontational about the ways I was wronged.

Truth be told, at nearly 40 now, I’ve come to learn my experience isn’t unique. Not to me as a transracial adoptee, not to me as a woman. Many, many, many people are made to feel overly unique and like they don’t belong anywhere. It’s much more frequent with people of color and in transracial families - even biological ones.

I’m okay now and grateful for the perspective I’ve learned through years of self exploration via therapy and extraordinary loved ones.