He took the kids out camping this weekend to give me a break. I’ve spent the whole weekend on Reddit working through my thoughts. I’m prepared to ask him to see a therapist.

You’re absolutely right, he cheated on me for years. At a frequency of every 2.5 years under those circumstances he would do it. I struggle with that almost everyday. It was a huge shock and it felt so out of character from my point of view. I saw the best in him, now I see him for who he is, and that is someone that I love who has terrible coping mechanisms, who thought he was healed but is obviously not.

I can see how it doesn’t make sense to someone else, I felt like I kind of understood that more easily. I imagine if I’m him, confessing cheating is like ripping off a bandaid. I understand why when things were normal and happy he wouldn’t want to disturb that with news of his betrayal because that would be the moment that could change everything about our lives. The moment he would choose to tell me I would look at him differently, see him for the darkness in him, feel hurt, I could leave, kick him out, he could never see his kids everyday as he does now, I could tell his family, my family, our kids, etc. that’s intimidating part that would make him hesitate even though he new he needed to and he knew he would like to be held accountable. Me discovering his secret account was kind of like, “okay this is the time it needs to be done, she knows there’s a bandaid that needs to be ripped off and whatever happens happens.” He never explained it that way but that’s how I understand it.