When someone has an avoidant attachment style, they can only express love and vulnerability when there’s distance … in this case, the distance imposed by your new ambivalence about the relationship. It may seem counterintuitive, but to these people, intimacy is the greatest threat (since they associate intimacy with painful experiences of humiliation, rejection, abandonment, etc.) … and so paradoxically, it feels safer to be vulnerable when there’s no actual danger of closeness.

That can lead to the very confusing situation that you’re currently experiencing - your boyfriend is able to be vulnerable, loving, intimate, and committed only when you are pulling away. If you recommit to the relationship and attempt to connect with him emotionally, he will revert back to creating the same distance that he did before.

These kinds of dynamics can change if people recognize them as a problem and are motivated to work on them. However, your boyfriend may currently be experiencing a “conversion moment,” telling you that he now “sees the light” and is ready to build the life with you that you’ve always wanted. That won’t happen in the absence of longer-term work. You should only recommit to him if you’re prepared to go through similar cycles again … or to work on it with him in the context of therapy.