I need help before I disappear in this relationship

I know it sounds like easily that's what I'm supposed to do. But we're both messed up people, and I don't want to leave him alone for hurting me. I want to help him while I better myself. I know we would be happy if these things never happened but he wants me to act like they never did, and I want us to be happy so badly. We don't argue a lot, but when we do it's because I'm an emotional insecure wreck, I always start it. I think I showed up to the relationship crazy, ik I did because I've been getting mental health help since I was 10... And I think I'm sucking him into my BPD insanity. I think I do this to everyone I love, and I make it sound like it's their fault, but really it was me the whole time pushing them until they hate me

/r/relationships Thread Parent