Honey, the simple fact that you cannot simply ask for something you need for your mental health without confrontation and suffering is absolutely screaming you are not with the right person for you. If you cannot do whatever you like in a relationship, it is a toxic relationship. I am currently in a very healthy relationship and I can tell you I feel completely free and I never need to think about my partner getting upset with me over something so simple and important. If i tell him tomorrow I need space and need to go away for a month , he will support me and not get upset because he knows well I can feel suffocated and that doesn’t mean I love him any less. I can decide fo to do anything and I he will support me no questions asked. Im not going to judge your age gap, but its a known fact that it is harder to change the mind of an older person or their behavioural patterns. Frankly its almost impossible. You are so young and to think you would be spending your best years held down by an older person,s disabilities, unreasonable mentality (which will only continue detoriating with age) and suicidal thoughts is horrifying. In love you have to put yourself and your mental health first because only then can you love your partner the best you can. He isn’t doing that for you. I strongly suggest you find yourself a new beginning with freedom, younger experiences and never ever put yourself in a situation where another person can hold you down or keep you away from what you want. It’s 100% for you to take it back and from what you shared it seems to be the most obvious and healthy decision. Good luck x