IF SHE ASKS YOU RED OR BLUE DON'T ANSWER. RUN!!!

I had to get high to write this and my hands are still shaking..

But I got to write this down cuz people got to know. Don't say I never did nothing for you!

We were driving out to the middle of nowhere. Some stupid party George heard about. I didn't even want to go.

The road was so dark. No street lights. No moon. No stars. No nothing. Just weeds and once in a while a big ass tree.

We were jamming to King Diamond. Mike loves that scary shit. I didn't feel good. Every time I looked out the window I'd see all these shrines made for people who died driving down the road. Photos, notes, candles all that shit. Freaked me the fuck out.

Mike had to take a piss. We were in the car for at least an hour at that point. George was all: come on dude, you have to go now? We're right there.

And Mike's like: I gotta go man! come on this shit hurts! I had to go since San Fernando!

George pulled the car over. Mike got out and ran with his dick hanging out into the DARK. Stupid. We should have left his ass.

Instead me and George passed some Jack back and forth and waited for Mike. We could see him by a tree only cuz there was one of those candle shrines right there. Why didn't he just go piss by the car?

Mike came back all smiling and laughing. He jumped in the car and we got back on the road. Mike was like: dude, there’s one of those memorials over there for some dead clown.

George told him to shut the fuck up and they both started laughing. I felt more sick than before. Maybe I drank too much or maybe I just got one of those feelings, you know?

Mike's all: dude this clown was fucked uuuuuuup! Check it out.

Mother fucker snatched the picture and passed it around! I freaked out man, I didn't even want to touch the pic. I didn't even look at it. They started laughing cuz they said they couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman.

Mike said there were red and blue balloons nailed to the tree. Floating like someone just made the memorial. All the sudden he says:

I have a balloon for you, Yes I do, Yes I do, I have a balloon just for you.

Will you pick red or will you pick blue? You’ll get a special trick Whichever you choose!

Don’t try to hide, whatever You do, Will you have red? Or will you have blue?

We didn't say nothing, we just got all quiet.

George asked him why he said that.

Mike's like: dude, that's what it says on the back of the picture!

Then George is like I need a drink! He took another pull on the Jack and we got to the house party.

The party was going off, too many cars up top so we parked down at the bottom of the hill. It was fucking country out there. I didn't even know LA had places like that. I heard coyotes and horses and shit. It was pitch black once the headlights cut out. We could see the house lights way up on the hill and hear beats when we got closer. I thought George's fat ass was going to pass out on the way up. I was starting to feel better.

Then I seen something in the dark and I swear it was a person just standing there watching us. I hit George’s shoulder and pointed to the trees. We thought we might have to beat some ass. We got closer and it wasn't a person it was a red balloon tied to a long string.

Mike's like: what is this a kids party?

And punched the balloon. We kept walking. Faster this time.

After a little bit Mike’s all: oh shit. We look up ahead and see a blue balloon not really moving. Just floating in the middle of the road.

No body said nothing. I think we all felt like something was up but no one said nothing. If we just got to the party everything would be ok. And we made it. There was a game of flip cup going on and the chicks playing would be 7’s after a few more beers.

We had a good time.

Then people were either puking, making out, or sleeping. We were out.

I was too fucked up to drive. I drank my ass off to forget about those weird ass balloons. I told Mike he was DD cuz he only had like 6. He tried to talk shit but he knows he's always DD cuz he drinks like a bitch. He went to grab the car.

Me and Gorge tried hitting up two chicks who could still walk but they were stuck up bitches so we drank more. 30 minutes later Mike wasn't back yet so I told George I was going to go get Mike. George was hooking up with a 3 so he didn't even hear me. I was all drunk and high and wandered off in the dark to find poor Mike.

It was cold and foggy. I could see my breath and the only sound was crickets and my foot steps. Even the coyotes were hiding from something.

I didn't want to see that weird blue balloon so took the other side of the street down. I don't know why, I just had that feeling again, you know? When you're walking in the dark and you start walking faster cuz you feel something behind you and it's getting closer... You should check behind you right now.

I knew right about where to see the blue balloon but when I got there it was gone. That made me feel a little better. Mike probably popped it...

When I got to the bottom of the hill I could see the red balloon still floating there and the car just a little ways further down the road.

This time I defiantly saw someone standing in the dark.

I walked closer but real slow.

I was like: Mike!

The shadow laughed real low and moved all weird and jerky.

I'm talking to it cuz I thought it was Mike. I'm telling him: what the fuck man, lets go?!

Then the shadow asked: RED OR BLUE?

And laughed.

I fucking shivered and my body got ice cold. I didn’t say a word. That wasn’t Mike's voice.

It sounded like a woman that was trying to sound like an old man.

RED OR BLUE, KIDDY?

There was another laugh, but this one meant she was not joking.

I almost said red, I don't know why, it just popped in my head. But I was too scared. I couldn't talk. I just stayed quiet the whole time thinking red, red, red!

GIVE ME A BREAK, KID. EASY QUESTION. RED OR BLUE, DUMB-DUMB?

She was mad now. The show was over.

RED OR BLUE, ASSHOLE?!

I sobered up real quick.

I CAN'T PICK FOR YOU!

I started to walk back up toward the driveway to the house.

WHERE YOU GOING, YOUNG LADY?

I stepped back and the figure step out of the shadows. The moon was out now and I could see her blood red nose, green hair, and dead eyes.

I'M IN A RED KINDA MOOD...

The crazy clown stomped on the ground like this was a big joke.

I took another step back and she stepped toward me, I stopped she stopped. I started she started. She was copying my moves but making them funny. She was teasing me. I turned and fucking ran, man. That's when I heard her footsteps running after me.

I looked back to see if she was close and she stopped in her tracks and was reading a newspaper. My picture was on the front page with a headline that said MISSING! Her eyes were smiling at me from two holes cut into the parer. I walked slowly backward and she tossed that newspaper and waved with a pouty face bye-bye.

I walked backward up the hill keeping the crazy bitch in my sights till I knocked my head on something. I turn to see what it was and found a pair of shoes in my face. I looked up and saw Mike. His neck was too long and his eyes bugged out of his head, he was hung in a tree dangling by a bunch of blue balloons.

My ears got hot and I thought I was going to puke. I could hear the clowns sick laughter. It was coming from everywhere. I ran my ass off all the way back to the party.

I ran in the house. Screaming for help but nobody gave a shit. George's fat ass was still on the couch sleeping. Help! fuck! I slapped him and he woke up. I told him Mike was dead.

George could barley keep his eyes open.

Mike is fucking dead man! Come on we got to call the cops.

He tells me to slow down. He's so calm I wonder if maybe I dreamed everything. But I told him that crazy clown from the photo killed Mike.

He didn't believe me. He tried going back to sleep but I popped him in his gut.

I tell him I'm serious and we need to call the cops. People are starting to listen now. George doesn't like it. He gets up all quick and leaves the house saying: You stupid ass, I’m sick of this shit I want to go home. I’ll go get the damn car man, and if Mike pops out and tries to fuck with me I’m gonna beat both your asses!

I put my hands on him to stop him and he punches me in the mouth. When I get up he's already out the door.

I let him go, I was too scared to follow. What did you expect me to do? I was Just too scared.

I watched him from the window. He disappeared down the hill. I don't know how long I sat at the window for. I was thinking of all kinds of crazy shit. What am I going to tell Mike's parents? How am I going to get home? Was George in a red or blue mood tonight?

All a sudden I see headlights coming up the driveway.

It was George’s car! I was so happy. I thought maybe I was just too high and drunk and maybe I had imagined what happened. Mike was probably asleep in the car and they'd give me a bunch of shit about this and that would be all good with me!

I walked out to the front porch and watched the car pull up to the house. George was driving real slow. The car ran in to the trash cans and knocked them over.

I yelled to the car, kinda feeling ok now: drunk fucker. Get me home!

I looked into the car and couldn’t see who was driving but his head looked funny. I walked up to the car door and opened it.

Out floated a red balloon.

It had been sitting where George's head used to be.