"Anyone else have N parents who actively try to break up their adult's son's marriage?"

My NMil tried to triangulate my husband and I a number of times. She would pull me aside and say things like "you know, if you ever need to talk to me about him I will never tell him anything you say" Yeah right, she's just looking for dirt to blackmail me with! But jokes on her because I have no complaints, and if I did, she wouldn't be the one I confided in because it's just inappropriate! She would say the same to my husband, trying to get him to shit-talk me to her.

She tried to tell me one time that he's not mean to me like he is to her because he's not comfortable being himself around me. The thing was that he wasn't even being mean to her at all though, he just told her he couldn't keep doing everything for her when he was going through a health crisis. She of course interpreted that as him being "mean" (because she is owed all favors and help regardless of your ability to give it at all times) and the thing about him being uncomfortable around me was just what she tried to hurt me with when I told her he's not being mean, he's just taking care of himself instead of you!

At least we're wise to her scheming, it's painfully obvious that she is trying to get us to say something negative about the other so she can tell them and drive a wedge between us, or for her to be the trusted confidant that we both go to before we go to each other. Not happening lady!

She has had multiple failed marriages and I think she does it out of jealousy that we have a healthy relationship, but also because she's upset that she can't emotionally be his wife, essentially. She's angry that he would go to me for support instead of her, etc. It's super creepy but that's my theory.