I've isolated myself from my friends, I can't handle the emotions. Whenever one of my friends, let alone my FP, messages me on facebook (happens maybe once every 15 days, per person) I get the usual emotional rollercoaster. "Wow they care!" etc etc when I get the message. I write a fuckton, get no answer for a long time "oh shit they hate me" and I'm at the bottom of everything. Then I write to them again telling them about it, I get some short answer confirming that they don't hate me, and I feel somewhat better again, but then I feel worse again for a few days afterwards. Repeat cycle every 15 days (per person). When this rollercoaster doesn't happen my stable mood is depression (I guess?) with the usual rollercoasters caused by just thinking of my friends.

So uh, I try not to talk to anyone. I talk to my sister I guess, she had BPD (DBT saved her, she's healthy now) and she kind of gets me in a different way than others, but I can go weeks without talking to her too. I somehow manage on my own I guess. I go to a therapist but she sucks, can't be honest to her because she judges me for my cutting and so on, doesn't really help me to get judged by the person who should help me instead of judging me. Oh well, I'm supposed to begin DBT sometime soon.

It's probably not the same as having a friend to talk to, but you can always write on here. Or you can PM me. Can't promise I'll answer very quickly or have amazing things to say, but if you just want to vent I'm all ears.