You can improve your chances by buying more tickets.

Alright, let's go with this, overlooking the fact that you deliberately chose a thing that is far more unlikely than being struck by lightning, which is about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance.

You improve your chances of winning the lottery by buying tickets. That costs money, and only has one benefit: increasing your chances of winning the lottery. You improve your chances of finding someone who wishes to be in a relationship with you by doing many things, and many of those are directly beneficial to you and also result in improvements in other areas (such as job interviews and the like).

But all those things are the exact opposite of my personality

Alright, I'm gonna say it outright: if exercise and grooming is the exact opposite of your personality, if you can't be bothered to be at least close to average weight (assuming no medical condition preventing this) and able to exercise for ten or so minutes without sweating buckets, to shave (if needed) and tend to your hair and do things beyond the bare minimum needed for basic hygiene, you're going to have problems, and you're going to have problems because that kind of behavior screams "I don't care about me, why should you?"

I hate exercise and think it's the dumbest thing ever

So if you find a mate, good luck fucking him or her, as you need a decent amount of fitness to do well in the bedroom. Exercise not only contributes to this, it increases your average life expectancy, reduces the risk of some cancers, increases overall mood and mental health, and some other things I can't remember off the top of my head. Also, cut out the hyperbole. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you.

No, you're telling me to do something way worse than spending all my savings

If you feel the effort isn't worth it, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. Just know that it takes effort, so if you're ever serious about wanting a relationship, you need to be serious about what it takes to get one. If you feel making an effort would make you a nervous wreck, you know yourself better than I do, so I'll defer to your judgement on that.