Emotional state is still mediocre. I ran out of my therapy appointment in tears which is a first. I got really irritated because my therapist kept saying I'm strong and she's not worried about me and I'll be fine. I kept saying I'm extremely distressed and I don't know what to do and I felt like she was blowing me off. It would be nice if she seemed more concerned.
I had a really good talk with my boyfriend about why I'm still upset about this guy. He pointed out I've been so busy the last two months I haven't had time to process anything.
So I've mostly been moping around my house and playing video games. Sleeping a lot. I've decided to quit drinking for a couple of months, see how I feel.
Today I'm going to update my spreadsheet. I've been feeling anxious about money. I think I have set somewhat unrealistic savings goals. I have also been concerned about getting laid off. However it's possible this is just misplaced anxiety about one of the few remaining points of stability in my life.
If I get laid off I've decided I want to move in with my mom and go back to school full time. Once I have the BFA I may also pick up a certification in something useful. Either human-computer interaction, graphic design, or industrial design. However that plan requires a pile of cash I don't have yet. I could reduce my retirement savings to build up my currently tiny emergency fund, but then I'd be missing out on tax advantaged accounts AND the education tax credit. And if I can stay employed for another year or two, which seems likely; between bonuses, ESPP, three paycheck months and paying off debt, I should be able to reach my goal.
Also, it's not like I would starve if I lost my job in the next year. I have a supportive family and boyfriend. I have an open invitation to go back to work at my previous employer any time. I could collect unemployment if I decided to hunt for another job. I have money in after tax brokerage accounts and my Roth that I could pull. Even in a market downturn it would be enough. Though obviously I want cash so I don't have to do that - I'd rather life and market downturns not derail my FIRE plan. Overall it feels like I am taking a reasonable, calculated risk, and I have many options if plan A (keeping the job) and plan B (going to school) don't work out. So I'm going to stay the course.
I dunno, I basically want the money fairy to come give me $10k-$15k. But don't we all.