I want to kill myself and honestly I see no prospects in my future at all. I have one friend who I talk too, but they're hundreds of miles away cause of the school break, I'm in a house with a family that hates me and doesn't know how to deal with me, and I have no actual relationship prospects anywhere. Tried tinder, just talking to people in class/at school clubs, nothing. Every time I THINK there's a chance it ends up blowing up in my face, like one time this person I was really into actually cuddled and made out with me, but the next day she never talked to me again and I was told by other people they were having a manic episode and were using me for romantic validation. Every time I have felt love and affection it's been stripped away from me, and it hurts alot. Not to mention a bunch of social preasure for finding a partner because apparently my family thinks I have one, and they always mention it even though I explicitly tell them I don't and it actually hurts alot.

Everything just fucking hurts and I kinda want it all to end, and I'm laying in bed but I can't sleep. I have nobody who I feel comfortable telling, and it would be a mess if I did anyway. I gotta live atleast long enough for my cousins wedding cause I don't want to ruin it for them, but I just don't want to be here anymore.

Sorry, I kinda rambled on and this might nit be the place to do it.