On the contrary, I think it could be argued to be the most selfless option in the long run. It's the acceptance that the current cycle, in Shepard's eyes, just didn't do well enough. Shepard could stop the Reapers here and now, but he/she would be ending the conflict with an imperfect solution, founded on the Reapers' own terms, which future generations would have to live with for many years to come.

Countless cycles before have sacrificed their lives to give a better to those in the future; what is there that makes the people of this particular cycle so important to save? To be fair, it is certainly viable that Shepard would simply want to save the people he/she personally cares about, but I don't think not prioritising this is necessarily evil. Shepard knows that, thanks to Liara, their efforts won't have been for nothing, and that the next cycle(s) stand a chance at defeating the Reapers without the Crucible; in refusing, Shepard is putting his/her personal feelings aside in the hope that this can be achieved.

The purpose of Refusal isn't necessarily to spite the Reapers; it's refusing to sacrifice synthetic life/freedom for the sake of victory. With regards to Refusal vs Destroy in particular, while many would argue that Destroy is better simply because ultimately fewer lives are lost, in my opinion the manner in which they die makes a big difference. With Destroy, synthetic lives are simply seen as a necessary price to pay so that the organics of this particular cycle can live on. They don't die in battle, they are wiped out by the Crucible activated by Shepard, simply because the voice of the Reapers told him it was necessary. Meanwhile if Shepard refuses, the Reapers (not Shepard) are the ones sentencing all synthetics and (almost) all organics to death, who die united, with dignity, and having all given everything they could. It just wasn't enough.

Of course, this is just another side to the argument in which everyone has to form their own opinion, and different choices are appropriate for different Shepards, but in my opinion Shepard doesn't have to be evil to refuse. Ultimately I think one's feelings regarding the Refusal ending boil down to one question:

Is submission preferable to extinction?