I am 23 year-old. Student, working part-time in fashion.

I chose my degree in a branch of health science based on a passion and desire to help people, as well as keep myself occupied with mysteries that I pose for myself. That being said, I have mental illness, and find school very difficult - sometimes I excel, oftentimes I fail. I hate the daily grind. It’s easy for me to lose hope, but I know that this is what I want.

I love my job, I think it re-ignited a lot of creativity for me, and I find that it opened me up to experimenting with a lot of artistic endeavours in my life. My new job has gotten me to start making music, back into drawing, and fervently writing for pleasure.

The greatest gift in my life is my friends and family. I used to have a lot of contention with my parents, but I am blown away by their support and love for me. They are phenomenal people, and truly have my best interest in mind. My relationship with them has never been better. My friends are amazing. I have surrounded myself with authentic people who have proved their loyalty to me over the years, and nurture me with their thoughts. I love them.

Broke up with my partner of two years in January. At first I felt terrible about it, but I recognize now that we had different life objectives. We remained very good friends, and still communicate frequently. Did the whole “sleeping around” Tinder thing for months to follow, but met someone who I connected with in the midst. Nothing I expected for myself … at all.

Now I am in an interesting predicament where this person is moving back to the city after a four-month departure. Proceeding with some slight trepidation, but also excitement. I am hoping this really leads somewhere, but I'm not sure where, and I am taking it step at a time.

All in all, I am very fortunate. I appreciate a lot in my life. I think we often tend to equate our quality of life by possessions we ascertain, accomplishments that society has deemed to be impressive, meaningless status symbols, or the approval of others. I’m starting to realize that the things that make me the happiest are things that I think better our existence, intrinsically. I am realizing only I can make myself happy, which is a difficult with mental illness. My most important relationship is with myself, and happiness is a moving target, but I want to bridge the gap between who I am and who I want to become. Happiness is elusive, and yet simple. It is not derived from your degree, your finances, your belongings, your “hot body”, your Instagram followers, a number of fucks, whether you do or do not have a partner, your falling into to line with expectations of what a “happy” life is.

Happiness is when you are look into yourself and feel fulfillment. Do not let others dictate what you do.

I am not happy, but I try at it every day.