My earliest memory is being held by someone who was kind of bobbing along with some music. I can clearly remember staring at the lighting system as red, yellow, and white cycled on and off over and over again. My mother was a teacher, and I think this must have been when she was chaperoning a school dance. Whenever I think of that, it makes me wish I was small enough again for someone to take up in their arms, and I wish I was new enough to be absolutely mesmerized by something as simple as a cheap light display.

I remember taking my brother aside one day after school. We were in the garage. I told him to make sure he was popular because not being popular was hell. I had just started middle school, and he was in 4th grade. He listened to everything I had to say, completely trusting me. He had such an earnest look on his face. He seemed to really accept what I was saying, and all of the sudden, I felt like the most horrible person on the planet.

I remember hiding with my brother behind the couch as my dad, frothing at the mouth, red-faced, chased my mother through the house screaming that he'd kill her. He got ahold of her hair, and he was dragging her toward the garage. Somehow, she slipped away and got inside. She slammed the door shut and bolted it. He was beating down the door, and I could hear it splintering. The whole house was shaking. My brother was holding my hand really hard and crying silently. I remember my mom scrambling behind the couch and whispering into the phone as she talked to the police. She kept saying over and over again, he's going to kill us, he's going to kill us, he's going to kill us. I remember the policeman talking to my dad in the garage. There was broken shit everywhere, and the door was almost completely bashed in. The policeman asked my mom if she'd be willing to let him back in now that he had calmed down. She said okay.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night six years ago. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my boyfriend's (now husband) ridiculously bad back tattoo. This huge surge of warmth washed over me, and I knew for the first time I'd known for sure about anyone other than my family: I love this man.