We met in 2015, he was a tourist. We fell madly in love and stayed in touch, 2 months later I visited him and spent the happiest Christmas and New Year together. Long distance relationship was hard, we deeply love each other, even though it sucks to know this is what it takes to love.

A little over a year later, I quitted the university which I see no future in, said goodbye to my family, friends and decided to move to where he is. All we wanted to do was be with each other, the excitement of ending the distance made me fear a little lesser about the uncertainty.

We rent a little house together, it's nothing fancy but we were happy that we finally have a place of our own that we can call home. I stayed at home almost everyday, tried to apply for job and get sponsorship for visa. Things aren't going so well, 3 months later I'm still jobless, and spending up savings starting to worry me. I have to fly out of the country every three months as I'm on tourist visa. We fight a lot and the isolation of always staying alone at home gets me. I break down almost every week, I am sad, scared and have ever felt so alone.

I don't know how job hunting will go eventually, saving will dry up one day eventually. The only thing i am certain right now is I flying in and out the country every three months is not a sustainable solution.

He offers to marry me and yes, we love each other a lot. But I just can't look pass it and let the reason of our marriage be "hey she just need to stay in the country". I want to be proposed to, when both of us are ready. I don't want him to look back one day, and realize the reason of him poping the question is simply a way to keep me from deporting.

I really don't know what else can I do besides keep on applying for jobs.