I had to stop looking for what I could never have.

"My parents didn't love me, and that's it. It's over. That's a thing I can't have. Many other people have it, but I don't. The time for that is over -- long gone -- it's too late. I will never, ever have that. It will be missing forever. It cannot be fixed, and if I keep trying to fix it I will destroy myself. If I keep looking for it -- for the sort of love I should have gotten as a child, but will never get -- I will also poison all the adult love I receive. I will reject it and fail to recognize it since it is not, and can never be, and should NOT be, the sort of love a child receives from a parent. I simply can't have that, and that's how it goes.

So. Now I'll move forward anyway."