I'll do so briefly because I have covid and I'm a bit yuck atm.

So it wasn't guided therapy, it was just me. It was all outdoors in the wilderness, and 4 times while mountain climbing. I live rurally on the edge of a national park and not only have I been collapse aware for a long time but I've seen with my own eyes what is happening to the planet through fire, flood, melting ice and very abrupt changing conditions. I've seen wildlife decline and mass death.

Although I'd pondered this while tripping before I'd never used psychedelics as a purposeful tool to cope before, but one day a few years ago while going through an anxious period I decided to do a solo mountain climb on acid, to spend the day in silent contemplation and meditate on the issue. I honestly struggle to put it into words, although I tried a couple of years ago on r/collapse. I don't know if you have much wilderness, hiking/climbing experience, but it is a deeply meditative and imersive experience and can quite literally reduce me to feeling like a mammal on planet earth as opposed to a modern human. So adding acid onto this was a very deep experience.

It began with a beautiful forest hike, colours, shapes and interesting sensations as I began to trip. Then it shifted into absolute amazement at the beauty of the world and how it had managed over time to emerge into something so intricate and amazing. Then eventually as I emerged from the forest onto a ridgeline and saw the full spectacle of the wild planet on show it just absolutely blew my mind. So I trudged up to the summit just marvelling at the sheer brilliance of it all. Then I sat and ate. I remembered why I was doing this and really thought deeply about what we were doing to ourselves and our planet, where it was leading and the destruction it was causing. The knowledge of how bad things really are and how selfish and destructive we are juxtaposed against the most beautiful thing I could ever hope to see before me left me feeling almost sick with despair. Honestly, I sat there and cried. Then I saw a huge eagle soaring across the sky and cried some more.

I knew in that moment I'd never be able to reconcile what our species is doing to ourselves and the world, I knew that all of the meta truths that I could usually wash it away with were meaningless and that we were simply destroying our home and had no right to do so. I thought about what my family would go through in the future and broke into a million pieces over that aswell. Then I came to and remembered where I was, that I was tripping on a mountain and wasn't safe. So I had a small panic and decided to get down asap. I didn't think much on the way down, just went through the motions and in the afternoon as I began to come down a bit I made it back onto the forest trail and then was able to relax and walk back to the car. I still wasn't safe to drive when I got there so I sat and looked back up at the mountains and pondered again all the things I had while up there. This time, although acknowledging how bad the situation is I had waves of gratitude and love come over me. Love for the planet, gratitude for my life and the pretty amazing day I'd had, most of all that despite how bad things were the world was still so relentlessly alive and impossibly beautiful.

Then I drove home and when I got back into my artificial consumerbot home, back to civilisation, I felt the very strong tension between how absurd it was and how lucky I was to own a home, to live protected from the environment in such comfort, but how detached I felt as soon as I entered. I strongly felt the unsolvable tension between honouring the planet as a mammal of the earth, and deep appreciation for what humans have built for me. Then I went to bed.

In the morning I awoke feeling fantastic and drove back to the mountains and sat eating as I looked up and laughed until I cried that I'd been up there the previous day tripping my face off while crying about collapse. Not because collapse is funny, but because life is so absurd sometimes and that the whole experience was just what I needed and I felt so much better even though I know nothing will be solved. I felt great for about a week after that and I highly recommend. My other experiences have all been in the wilderness and now do this annually, trip in the mountains while contemplating where we are as a species. One time I stumbled on an Eagles nest on a mountain side and that was very special. So I do this as a ritual and as witness to the horrorshow we are inflicting on the world and ourselves, take acid and disappear into the wilderness or up a mountain, look at the wildlife and marvel at the brilliance while it's still there. It's always sad, but I always emerge feeling so so grateful to be here.