You know how depression magnifies small problems and in turn you sometimes overreact emotionally to things, or when something happens you think "oh I should just kill myself" because it seems like the easiest option. Well when that usually happens I bottle it up and eventually calm down after an hour or so. However, a few days ago I snapped and told my mum everything about my depression, suicidal thoughts, past attempts, and just my overall thought process of why I prefer death to living. Compared to many people my parents (divorced) both care about me even though my family (due to extended family mainly) has been dysfunctional or created toxic environments when I was growing up. I told her this over a long phone conversation as she lives overseas. I told her things like how in my most recent attempt when the noose was around my neck the only reason I couldn't do it was because I kept picturing her, or how I wish I could've replaced my sister who died from cancer. Literally everything I could think of. Then she told me about the shit she went through while we were growing up because of my dad. It was a good conversation and we both cried a lot, but I fucking regret telling her. Maybe if I told her 6 months ago when I was at my lowest point it would have been better. I'm doing a bit better these days but I still occasionally overreact to problems. Things like suicide fantasies every 5 minutes have gone although if there was a button where I died painlessly I would still press it. Still feel like a burden to everyone and I have no fucking idea how I could do this to her. Now I think she's worrying a bit too much even though I probably won't kill myself for the foreseeable future. I'm obviously grateful I have a support system as I know many people here don't, I just wish I could go back a few days and suck it up and not be such a bitch.