Life was going great and I thought I had my depression in check. Well after planning a nice weekend to visit my husband with the kids (he's away for work), we end up arguing over me not wanting to use a public toilet. He calls me uptight and a princess and blows up on me. In my head, all I think is to "remain calm, don't react." I'm proud of myself for that. I let anger speak for me when I said I would drive home tonight. He said fine. Of course, I didn't go anywhere. Just was angry. Anyway, he tells me to leave. It goes on. Then he threatens to slap me and actually does. I'm just so confused and hurt. I love my husband. He's a great man. I won't leave him. But now the small voice that I've been working to silence is louder than ever. The "I'm worthless, i don't deserve happiness, this is what I get, I'm ugly, he's going to leave me". I don't want to fall into that. We rarely argue. We've come so far in the 15 years of ups and down. I hate how much a relationship can affect my insecurities. I hate the voices that make me feel less than human. I hate when the feeling of life is worthless pops in my head. There's so many triggers and I do so much to avoid them but when he gets mad, I can't seem to avoid that trigger. Now will begin the struggle again of crying to sleep and fighting to not just hide in a corner and forget the work. Now the mask goes on again and I have to fake happy until I find it. All because of one argument. I just want my happy back. Fuck you depression.