I just want to tell people to never give up hope.

I remember someone asking me how I was always so optimistic, even when we were tired, hungry, and doing difficult tasks. I think naturally I'm a pretty happy, optimistic person. I'm glad I could cheer others up. I was always able to pull myself out of a hole when I felt sad.

This was shortly before I dealt with my depression at its worst, ironically. Depression is such a bitch, especially before I found Prozac and birth control. I would look at photos of myself and how I used to be happy and just cry. Somehow, though, at my therapy sessions, my humor turned into a twisted, dark sense. My therapist played along and laughed sometimes, pointing out my humor. I never lost hope, always searching for a silver lining or at least trying to find myself again. I just needed a shoulder from time to time.

After some years of ups and downs, I feel like I'm back to my happy, productive self! I feel very positive about the future. I've let go of my bad choices and my past. I like myself, and I'm really enjoying life again! I'm glad to say I didn't kill myself. I'm glad I didn't give up (similar to how I'm always glad I didn't give up in a road race). It is hard and exhausting and lonely at times, but it is a journey of your own.

I wish I could have said something to my friend who took his own life a few weeks ago. I'm trying to help my sister and cousin, who are both dealing with depression. I think sometimes we go through difficult times so we know how to help others who go through the same thing. I have much more empathy and understanding now.

I just hope someone can read this and gain a little glimmer of hope. Don't give up, please.