IMPORTANT NOTE: This is parody, this is up too late gibberish, this is in need of an editor, this is word vomit, this is an exercise in restraint and how I continue to lack enough of it. This is me misreading a sentence and immediately latching onto a voice in my head (a strangely hypnotic in tone not in message mix of Senator Tankerbell and the Calvin Twins) and running with it. Don't judge someone unless you've walked in a glass house with Jesus holding you the hold time, throwing stones lest he be judged. My enlightening psalm or parable or fairy tale recall ability shows I skipped church school or whatever those square kids were up to on Wednesdays and Sundays but don't let that lead you down the path of the righteous man, for he is a needle in a camel's eye, and like Eno, his first 3 solo records are criminally underrated and virtually unlistened to by anyone under 35 you guys are missing out he was a fucking alien sent by his elders to this planet guided by one purpose: Blow open young minds using the one-two punch of electrified instruments and mastering the primitive recording techniques available at the time. By prying open the minds without using abduction and/or invasive surgical methods the youth will be more apt to listen to our message of peace and understanding:

"Someone needs to remaster all of the State"
We'd of course-uh..be needing-uh, certain guarantees if we goin' to undertake such-uh large undertakin' such as re-master all of the states would be. First guarantee: The states will allow no-holds-barred slavery unencumbered by Yankee meddlin' and ShawShankee redemptionin' . Second guarantee: Plantations don't have to abide by Yankee red tape, tape the color of blood ain't no use cutting anyways, already red everywhere, what exactly is the point of cutting tape if you ain't getting the pleasure of watching someone's (preferably a non-white, non-Southern, non-male, non-uppity, non-English speaking, non-educated, non-employed jack-a-bout, if no one of this nature, fitting the previous descriptors to be found then a chicken (one belonging to a non-Southern, non-white family, and preferably one that goes bawk-bawk-bawk not cluck cluck cluck) may be deheaded until a suitable human vein can be located) veins unloading upon the sizzlin' Arkansas see-ment? This then I ask of you this fine Alabama morning on this fine Georgia Peach of a mawnin' I do I simply ask you fancy Northern money lenders sitting Jewfully in your ivory towers, you law making, slaw not intaking, flawed raking (you supposed to let your slave do the raking, undertaking your own manual labor when you already got a MAN to do YOU ALL LABOR? I ask ye again what's the point?) if you try and trick us with your red tape shenanigans please do me the honor, me, Augustus Pennyfeather Virgil Greatwhite Smoothpenny IV, honor I with the pledge upon death by dueling (pledge death because Auggie Penny Virgreathite Smoony (my in a hurry name version legally binding north of the good places because the Yankee needs his words rushed always about since he in a hurry to do bad against the Confederacy long live teh Confederacy like fireflies that just got caught in a moon jelly wing trap, you know what I'm saying you've obviously spent the summer in a Pecan Julep tree have you not? Harrrrrummmpphhh.....Regardless of your lack of bonafides as a true gentleman, if you trixy trickety track trickers try and trox my trotter by bringing about any accursed Northern devilry such as "green laws" or "zoning committees" when we trying to rebuild our family's plantations? You think a white slave not a thing just try me boy. Ask Chim Chom if they specify lifetime brain farming by color. I ain't spend 3 hurricanes stuck hugging a Pecan Julep tree ntucky. Northern Kentucky?oooohhh eeeee look at me I'm from the glorious empire of NAWTHORRRRINNN Kentux you fanciest of fancies with your technology zones and your book reading literate show off schools and your lack of deep thought cages to hold human laborers in while they contemplate the important things in slaves lives like exactly why they thought it wise to question why the lazy porch dog gets fed and housed and cared for medically and treated more better than a man that work 18 hours in the fields. Dumb question it's because field man skin darker than mine NEXT question they also will ponder suicide and we privileged folk that make our homes south of the Mason Dixon line are excited to announce a new anti-suicide ad campaign set to launch tomorrow we will plaster this message wide and far and near and also close by so that every worthless sack of subhuman garbage person that sets foot in any slave quarters or in any slave ship or in every slave rape shed or is simply too tired to leave the cotton field will be assigned a time and a place to have the flyer read to them and explained and pretended to be listened to before the campaign becoming null and void and never brought up again what are you going to do about it, call the NAACP? They been drownt in a crick one by one I be ever so sorry lesbian witch demon, there's nobody at the 3rd circle of hell now known as the National Apricot Assembly to Chat w/ People that will be staffed 100% by Southerners that have no college education nor do they ever plan on making that grave error. The staff will be required to hate allmn races including their own and same sex shenanigans such as a lingering touch upon the arm or God Forbid thinking about cutting your hair short kjjjchnjk j will be thought of as ass fucking Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior