When I had trouble sleeping due to the constant churning of my mind before I was drinking 4/5 nights a week, with friends mostly and a nice side effect of that was the self-medication that allowed me to focus on the euphoria in my chest and drift off peacefully. A couple months ago I felt a bout of depression coming on again but this time I was purposely avoiding alcohol as I have a family history of alcoholism.
I was meditating and staying productive to avoid falling into a downward spiral but still only managing 2-4 hours a night. I would meditate, doing some body relaxation, pass out but wake up a couple hours later BEAMING with energy. This went on for a couple weeks and eventually that beaming energy and chronic lack of sleep turned into mania. I was running at 110% 20 hours a day, I had to actively tone down myself to avoid scaring others, being too hyper or OCD. I started writing, running, working more but this just made me more burnt out and kept the cycle going.
This is now going on for 2-3 months and really started to work its toll on me. My relationship turned to shit and she was only half aware of what was going on, and creeped out the other half of the time. I lost 15 pounds from my already lean body. I started showing up to work looking like I was hit by a truck. Now if I woke up in the middle of the night I was sparking a bowl. Only thing that worked. Then one again after work. Then once in the morning. Then a quick one in the parking lot at work. Then I bought a vape to hide it from my girlfriend and family. This self-medication held out for a while and I started to become productive and be able to eat again, function more normally. Eventually though the whole thing came crashing down.
Stumbled into a depression, was REALLY close to going off the deep end with booze, lost my girlfriend and she batted with some mental health issues in the fallout, lost a couple friends although Im reconnecting now, cost me a TON of money in lack of productivity and 1/4 bags of the finest weed, and nearly almost killed myself falling asleep while driving.
Was an interesting six months. The 2nd worse period of my life by far but after bouts of depressions like this I always come out the other side a stronger person with better habits and more self-awareness. Now I meditate, eat healthy, workout like crazy and sleep like a baby :)