I should probably post this on a throwaway, but this'll get buried anyway.

I feel so incredibly worthless, all the time. I feel like I'll never amount to anything, I'll never find someone, and that I'll never actually enjoy life.

I have no real desire to keep living, and I wish I could die for a noble cause, mainly because I'm too useless to do anything of value for anyone. I'm too weak and flabby to ever join the military or law enforcement, can't focus well enough anymore to become a doctor, couldn't cut it to become a physicist.

All of my dreams have crumbled before me ever since high school, and I find myself working a mind numbing job answering phones in an IT department. I was one of the top students in my class, and I couldn't hack it at an engineering school, damn it!

College and work keep me too damn busy to do what's really the last remaining thing I love, which is staying involved in Scouting. I'm an Eagle Scout, Vigil Honor Member of the OA, but I still feel like I have accomplished nothing! Even the proudest moments of my life feel hollow.

I don't know what to do with myself, I can't keep loving like this, but I couldn't kill myself either, as I care too much about others to put them through that pain.