This will be buried and hopefully that maintains it as the loneliest thing I've ever done. In one week it will be two years since I watched the Superbowl alone. You see I was working quite a few hours extra then and didn't have much time, so I didn't schedule anything for the game and my friends were all off doing their own respective things. I wound up getting off work early and sent a text to my best friend seeing if he had some friends over for the game. Turns out he was watching it with his parents and I didn't want to crash that even though his mom said I was "more than welcome". It was already half time, so I decided to just go to the Louie's by my apartment and watch alone. The restaurant is empty and there's nobody watching at the bar it's just me and the bartender and a waitress or two walking by occasionally. I order a pizza to go and start downing some drinks. The bartender is pouring me some special green concoction called a 'rain forest' or some shit I don't remember. I proceed to get drunk enough to stumble home. Once I get home I open up the pizza and start gorging on its meat covered deliciousness. Drunk, bored, and still alone I decide to play some games and smoke some weed. The game is over now and I'm playing some League of Legends getting flamed by teammates because I'm throwing and have no clue what is happening. Luckily I only ruined 1 game with my shit show because I now have the spins. You've had 'em probably your freshman year in college and you threw up everywhere. Don't worry I'm a veteran I make it to the bathroom cool, calm, collected. I don't puke, WIN!. I decide to take a nice hot bath and let the spins pass. Besides who doesn't love a hot bath? It's the most relaxing thing in the world. (I might be alone but this doesn't sound that bad does it? A nice comfortable night with yourself. Ya I got drunk alone, but its not that bad right? Sometimes we need time alone to decompress) Well now I'm falling asleep in the tub, but I have the spins bad enough and still nauseous enough to not risk leaving the bathroom, so I just let the sleep take me. Everything is black my eyes are closed, but something doesn't feel right. I'm waking up to projectile vomit, not that bullshit movie liquid vomit either. This is that "why the fuck don't I chew more?" vomit. CHUNKS of pizza whole slices of sausage and pepperoni flying out. I open my eyes to a bathtub of pizza stew. I feel awful, but I gotta drain this tub and puke only in the toilet from now on. The water stops draining because the drain is full of chunks. I know! I'll go get a ladle from the kitchen. Better dry off first. Welp that towel is trash. Ladle, check! Water drained and chunks gone, check! Fuck it's cold, so I pour another hot bath.
I woke up the next morning without enough dignity to fill my ladle.