Oh boy, I've been waiting for the right Ask Reddit thread to share this story for years.
TLDR: Made some poor hot girl probably afraid to give her number to a guy or go on a movie date ever again.
So I had gotten this girl's phone number through a wonderfully executed card trick (Thank you Stuart Edge for that idea) at her place of work. She was a total hottie, kind of a cowgirl / outdoorsy type, which was great. She kind of seemed flaky at first, but eventually agreed to a movie date. I settled on "Maleficent" (This was back in 2014), and agreed to meet up at the movie theater.
Backstory that becomes crucial to understanding the rest of the night: At the time, I was very inexperienced with women. I had been homeschooled most of my life, and had little to no experience in dating (In other words, I was a Redditor!. I had, however, noticed that lately, I was getting friendzoned after the first date very, very frequently. I was determined that this was because I was being too shy, and not getting physical or making enough "moves". So I decided to use my date with Alyssa as a test / practice run for myself; to stop holding back, to not be afraid to get touchy and take some risks, and not worry about the possibility of making thinks awkward.
I started things off small. Opening hug in the parking lot, and as I held the door open for her, I 'guided' her gently in with my other hand on the small of her back. I did everything right in the lobby; I paid, offered to buy popcorn / any other relevant snacks / drinks. I even behaved very well during the ads and previews in the theater.
It wasn't until the actual movie started that I began to turn up the heat (or so I thought). I tried to start off very small, and gradually build up over the course of the movie. I started by just leaning over to whisper something hilarious and / or observant to her, while briefly resting a hand on her shoulder or leg, as if to get her attention. Then I did this, and just left my hand innocently resting on her knee. She immediately crossed her legs to make my hand fall off.
You'd think this would have been my first clue that she had different ideas about the date than I did. In hindsight, I'm not sure if I just ignored all the warning signs, or didn't care, because this was all in the name of science, dammit! I kept going. For the next hour and a half, I continued to get more and more touchy with her. At one point, for lack of anything more creative, I remember I sniffed her hair and told her how nice it smelled. God, what a disaster. She was wearing booty shorts, so she had a lot of leg showing; at one point I reached down and started gently patting / rubbing her leg (The same one I had tried to rest my hand on earlier). She looked over at me with eyes the size of fucking dinner plates, but it was too late. I was committed. I reached over and tried to hold her hand, and she visibly shook her head "NO" as she pulled away.
At this point, I knew I was done, the situation was well beyond anything that was even remotely recoverable. I waited out the last few minutes of the movie without trying anything, and walked her out to her car while making awkward small talk. Strangely enough, something had come up suddenly that caused her to be unable to go grab dinner with me afterwards.
I DID get an awkward goodbye hug in the parking lot afterwards, which was also hilarious; Despite my then lack of social knowledge about girls, I'm a military service member, and almost always conceal carry any time I'm out in public for any reason. As this poor girl's hands came back down off my back, I'm about 95% sure she bumped my .40 caliber Glock, nestled safely in the concealed holster in the small of my back. As if she wasn't terrified enough already.
So Alyssa, if you happen to be on Reddit, I'm sorry that I completely ruined "Maleficent" for you, and made you afraid to give your number to any other random guy you meet at work. But now you know why, and I assure you, it was for a good cause. Every date I went on after that, I was much more comfortable and confident, and I knew what signs to look for, and where to draw the line.
So thank you!