Im a 21 yo college student with no money or stable job. My grandma who helped raise me has had brain cancer for 2 years and is slowly dying, which is taking a huge toll on my mom whom i live with. My friends have all distanced themselves from me while this is happening, and on top of it, i think i might get a C- in one of my lasses which means i have to redo it and waste even more time and money (which is coming from my dying grandma). This all has driven me to insane dependency on weed and alcohol. Im fucking 21 years old and can tell I'm already dependent on drugs, during what is supposed to be the best years of my life. I should be out having fun with friends and making new friends and experiencing the world, but all i wanna do is just sleep and never wake up again. And whats weird is that what saddens me the most is seeing a lot of people genuinely enjoying their life around me. Ill be walking to class and hear someone laugh and ill realize i haven't laughed, shit i haven't even smiled in days. I guess i just had a completely wrong idea of what life was like in high school or something cuz this is the worst thing I've ever experienced. Sorry to rant about my stupid ass feelings that nobody cares about I'm sure it'll just end making me even more upset with myself that i dumped all of this online and end up deleting it. But it did help me get some shit off my chest so thank you so much for that OP. You have no idea how many people are hoping to see or hear this question get asked to them.