As teenager I didn't want kids.My dad was drunk left me at bar once at yaught club late at night he went to go fix his boat. Hours later he didn't come back. Stranger offer me candy and ride home in van. I said yes. Luckily bartender saw interaction freaked ran got me put me behind bar. He asked why I would accept food ride from strangers. I said I was cold and tired I wanted to go home dad hadnt come back for me. They called my mom at work to pick me up. Dad got mad I got him in trouble with club he almost lost membership for leaving g me at bar for hours unattended without anything to eat. He later walked out on my mom. Told me he was going camping on boat. I didnt see again until teenager. It kept checking newpaper to see if he died. I thought he fallen overboard that why he never came home. My mom just praised me on sudden interest in news. She knew where he was but didn't tell me. My mother was single mom. Dad walked out was very bitter used to tell me all the time how she used to travel do stuff now she is saddled with often. It got to point I told my mother I wasn't having kids ever. After giving me away to abusive environment. Then not letting me come home until she needed help to recover from surgery. When she was on her feet. Year later she asked me about kids. I told her no I wouldn't because all I ever heard was they were burden. I was given away. I honestly wouldn't know what kinda mom Id be. Year later I volunteered to worm with kids. Felt more comfortable in my abilities as parent. Met someone feel in love had my own. It hard to change patterns. I am very withdrawn both parent were very critical people. So learning to be more supportive as parent. Their fun I take to water park they love water parks. I do everything with them . watch cartoons play video games it is awesome. I am glad I have them. They literally take up all spare time but most of time really happy. I get spare time once and while which is awesome. But glad I took chance to see what it was like for self. I thought being parent made you super bitter. But I think it made me better person. It turned out both kids are special needs. Which is extra challenging speech therapy etc. But I love them. Wouldn't wish them to change for anything.